Once upon a time there was a little girl called Barbara. Though she was only little, she had a great big dream. You see, Barbara came from a humble background; every day she would help her family run their cabbage farm in the bogs of Offaly. But Barbara dreamt of a more exciting life, of being swept off her feet by a charming prince, marrying him, and living a life of luxury.
And so, very late one dark, dark night Barbara snuck out of her bedroom window and made her way to the local witch's house. She had heard that this old lady dabbled in magic - and Barbara figured that only magic could fix all of her problems (i.e. not currently being married to a prince).
As Barbara approached the witch's dilapidated old hut deep in the forest she grew anxious. As she tiptoed towards the door she remembered all the stories she had heard from her granny about how witches would boil little children into a broth and gobble them up. What if this witch gobbled her up? Barbara hesitated as she reached the front door. Flickering firelight crept through cracks in the wood. But how else would she ever manage to find her prince? She reached out her hand to knock on the door, but hesitated again. Was this reckless course of action really worthwhile if there was a statistically significant chance that she might get gobbled up? Barbara knocked confidently on the door with a smile; she would take any risk in order to find happiness and love.
Barbara could hear a muffled response through the door but it did not open.
"Um... What was that?" Barbara called out. "I don't want to bother you but I need to know how to get a prince to marry me. Any magical advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated!"
Barbara pressed her ear up against the door and listened carefully for the witch's response this time. She didn't want to miss anything.
"I said, four oh four." The witch called out. "Now go away."
"Fo-raf-arr?" Barbara asked, confused. "Is that a spell? Do I just shout it at a prince and he'll fall in love with me?"
There was a strange noise from within. Like a cross between a long-awaited sneeze and a belch that was very poorly disguised as a hiccup.
"That's all I can tell you girl." The witch called out after a moment. "You'll have to figure out the rest for yourself."
Barbara realised that she wouldn't be getting any helpful advice from this old witch so she began to make her way home.
"Fo-raf-arr... For-af-ar..." She repeated quietly to herself as she walked. Slowly, it began to dawn on her that this sounded a bit ridiculous, so she stopped. And then she began to realise that this whole evening was a bit ridiculous. Even if shouting the spell at a prince did make him fall in love with her, what if he turned out to be mean or smelly or an avid supporter of austerity policies that have been proven to not facilitate economic recovery after a recession? Barbara shuddered. That would be an awful lot worse than being single and poor.
"Four-oh-four..." She repeated to herself once again, more out of a quiet contemplation than an urgent necessity this time. She wondered what it meant. But then she wondered whether she needed to understand what it meant. There were so many things in the world. Did she really need to understand them all? Oh no, she thought to herself, it would be so terribly boring to understand everything.
And so she stopped trying to understand the witch's cryptic message and instead turned her thoughts to what she would do tomorrow. She could do anything really, the world was her oyster - whatever those were. Maybe she'd go find one. Or maybe she'd just go seize the means of production and redistribute the wealth of the one percent. Hmm, she thought, yes, but I'll need to make sure that I have a cup of tea first.
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